Words do hurt!
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt”. Unfortunately this saying is false because words do hurt and though they may not physically damage a person, the wounds and hurt can be very damaging to our heart and soul. Proverbs 18:21 in the NKJV says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. While the NLT states,”Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life”.
This scripture emphasizes the fact that words can nourish someone’s life or destroy it. So it is not coincidental that unkind, untrue, and un-affirming words spoken to persons have devastated so many and caused many people to gravel through life trying to find their way and overcome either a lie, a false accusation, or evil words. Destructive words were designed to destroy and tear you down. When harmful words are spoken, (especially if spoken at a young, vulnerable and tender moment in a persons life) it can leave a person feeling empty, unappreciated, less than worthy, unacceptable, rejected or irrelevant. It can be an arduous process to undo what was said and the scars can linger for years and take years to repair. It can produce a downward spiral of a person trying to crawl out of a dark place to regain their person, identity, worth, and purpose.
How can a person rebuild from being torn down by damaging words? He or she must recognize that words spoken over them inflicted pain and caused an enormous deficit and maybe you or they tried to compensate or overcome it by using other remedies to calm the pain, ease the feeling, block it out, or numb it totally. It’s human nature to find a means to fill an empty space to overcome any deficit or hurt inflicted by hurtful words or action I might add. There are numerous things that people do to make up for a deficit and I will not attempt to describe them all but some include drug usage, day dreaming, drinking, sexual promiscuity, cowardice, anxiety, paranoia, vying for the approval of that person or others, selling your soul to make money or buying things to compensate, caught in a continual cycle of failure, or over eating to name a few. Unfortunately, no matter how many remedies people use to try to erase the hurt, it rarely works and the void remains there and the unhealthy cycle continues or far worse suicide or mental conditions can ensue. This is why the power of God can be so potent and His word trumps all remedies and cures known to man. Yes therapy, counseling, and other medicines may give some temporary relief and do some good but ultimately God’s principles of healing provide the best solution in becoming totally free from the damning effects of negative words or any other negative thing that can happen in our life.
A few biblical principles include forgiveness, time, and allowing God's word to rebuild your confidence, esteem, and identity in the area where someone attempted to tear you down. First, you must forgive but not only forgive the person who spoke the words but you may need to recall the words or either the place where those words wounded you and release that as well. For example, I spoke words of forgiveness while recalling and releasing the exact words that wounded me. A dear sister prayed with me and this is what I said, “I forgive _______________ (put their name in the blank) for saying to me: "God did not call women to pastor and you will fail as a female pastor”. Because these words wounded my heart, bruised my soul, and made me feel invaluable as a woman pastor, I struggled for years to try and prove myself in this area until the day I forgave the person, renounced his words, and forgave the wound that it caused. Second, after I forgave him, I had to allow time and the word of God to soothe my heart and remove the pain. Likewise, others must do the same and it will not happen overnight but as you meditate on the word—day by day you will get stronger and stronger and begin to feel more confident, secure, and worthy. Depending on how deep the pain and how traumatizing the words will be an indicator of the patience needed to complete the process of full healing and wholeness.
I am a living witness that when you apply the word and begin to ask God to allow His love, His grace, and His restoring power to undo the damage that was done- He will begin to do it and you will find yourself walking in total victory. This happens when we acknowledge the hurt, realize that we need healing, take steps toward a recovery process, allow trusted persons in our lives who will speak life back into us, and continue in the process of healing until the pain and the scars are removed and no longer inhibit you. God's word is food to our soul and it can overcome any foul, disrespectful, and hurtful words spoken to us or about us. And you will find, like me, the place that caused you a great source of pain is now the place that you can help others overcome as well. After true healing comes, you become a wounded healer and not a bleeding victim! Grace to you and I pray that my blog is an encouragement to your soul.
Pastor Sonia Adams
p.s. your comments are welcomed below