16 May 2013

Chapter 9 from "Searching to Fill the Void" Strongholds and soulties

A stronghold is just what it says. It is a spirit that has a strong hold or fortress around your heart and it will not allow you freedom in certain areas of your life. Such strongholds can include fear, rejection, anger/bitterness, unforgiveness, pride, inferiority, lust, rebellion/witchcraft, apathy, slothfulness and/or control.  In my case, anger and insecurity did not allow me the freedom to love and receive love in a healthy way. All the enemy needs is an open door to plant spiritual strongholds in your heart. I can’t detail every way that satan takes residence in your inner-heart, but I’d like to mention a few crucial areas as it applies to the focal point of this text. Spirits can enter into your heart through doors such as:

*   no father/ dysfunctional mother/father relationship
*    divorce/adoption (broken away from birth parents)
*    broken relationships
*    lack of affirmation and love
*    sexual assault such as incest or rape
*    hurtful actions or words
*    favoritism in the family
*    transference of spirits through sexual immorality

It is noteworthy to pause here and further investigate strongholds that occur through sexual relations. Transference of spirits through sexual contact is very common. However, many people are not aware of the severe spiritual consequences that evolve as a result of having sex outside of marriage –a soul tie(s) immediately takes place in each person who engages in premarital sex. (Your soul can refer to your mind, will, and emotions. Wherever your mind, will, and emotions are, there you will find your soul).  

A soul tie is not a scriptural phrase, but a psychological term that refers to a Biblical concept of the joining of two natures according to Genesis 2:24 “. . . And they shall be one flesh.” In other words, when two persons have intimate relations, a spiritual law begins to manifest itself in the natural realm. Sexual intercourse was designed for a husband and wife and when performed in marriage, it produces good fruit. Nevertheless, when practiced outside of the covenant of marriage, the law of God still fulfills itself, but it produces negative fruit. In reviewing the third chapter of Genesis, we can see how negative fruit comes forth when we operate beyond the boundaries of the Word of God. Genesis 3:16 says, “.  .  .Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” Your desire shall be to your husband through the consummation of marriage. 

The word desire means “a craving, longing, that which is willed, a strong affection, and a yearning after”.3 As a result, God’s law is still active but in a negative manner. When sexual consummation transpires (in or outside of marriage) a woman may long for, desire, crave, or have a strong affection toward that person with whom she had sexual contact. This is why many times women find themselves tied to a man even when they have the desire to leave the relationship but can't. Her soul is tied to that person because of the sexual intimacy in their relationship and she craves him in an unhealthy way. Here lies a serious stronghold because part of you is separated from God. In the sixth Psalm, verses 1-4, David speaks of how a soul that is separated from God can be in anguish, but favorably, David was able to experience the forgiving, delivering hand of God after his adultery with Bathsheba. In this particular prayer Psalm, he declares: 

O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger,… My soul also is greatly troubled; But You, O Lord—how long? Return, O Lord, deliver me! Oh save me for Your mercies sake!

Likewise, we must cry out to God and ask for forgiveness and seek His counsel on how to become totally set free from sexual soul ties. In continuing, let’s discover other repercussions that are a result of strongholds that enter from pre-mature sexual intimacy and take root in a person’s heart. 

Premarital sex can cause spirits of anger or hatred, or condemnation, then other spirits begin to attach themselves to the major root. Some of these spirits include self-pity, shame, guilt, un-forgiveness, fear, fear of rejection, hatred, sickness, and rebellion. Some possible ways (signs) to recognize these spirits include: passivity, indecisiveness, fear of trusting, involvement in a continuous cycle of broken relationships, eating disorders, lashing out at others, and an inability to receive love. One should recognize these signs and investigate the probability that one may have a stronghold and need God’s help in being totally set free.

Fortunately, God’s Word provides us with a way to overcome these strongholds. First, you must identify the root of your stronghold and be willing to admit that you may have deep hatred, anger and/or resentment that has entered into your heart. Or maybe you feel rejected, insecure, or confused. These strongholds could have entered through one of the doors mentioned on a previous page. Second, you must seek God for the best process to help you discover freedom.

Freedom can come in a number of ways that derive their basis from the Word of God. For some women, the spirits may be so deeply rooted that they may have to get deliverance from an anointed Pastor/Minister or deliverance team and have the spirits cast out. This type of deliverance is usually very unpopular, because it is not comfortable to everyone. Believers conclude that Christians cannot have an evil spirit in them. However, it must be acknowledged that during Jesus’ ministry, He cast spirits out of people of faith on many occasions. For those who are skeptical, I will use God’s Word to validate this type of deliverance. In the 13th chapter of the book of Luke, verse 16 speaks of a woman who had a spirit of infirmity for 18 years, and she was loosed when Jesus laid His hand and cast the spirit out of her. We know that this was a woman in the community of faith because she was a seed of Abraham who had a stronghold that resulted from an affliction by a demonic spirit. The verse says:
“ . . and ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day.” (KJV)

The word bond signified a stronghold that this woman had for 18 years, but she was totally delivered! God can also liberate us and completely set us free. 

Again, I must say, you must let God lead you into the type of deliverance that is best for you. For me, it took an anointed deliverance team to cast out the deep-rooted hatred and anger that was embedded in my heart. Other alternatives that are also biblically based include fasting and praying. Some women may just repent and ask for forgiveness. In other cases the stronghold could be so potent, that a woman may need extensive Christian counseling to work through the hurt, pain, anger, rejection, or whatever spirit is present. It is wise to participate in sound Christian counseling instead of secular counseling, because Christian counseling will allow you to use the Word of God as your foundational resource when working through your healing and freedom.

In all steps of getting free, God always admonishes us to seek Him first and let Him be the guide. Also, once you are free, we must fill the cleansed passages in our heart with God’s Word. For example, if you’ve been loosed from hatred, study love and learn to love the person you once hated. Learning to love involves a renewing of the heart and mind. The relationship may not change, but it is our attitude that God desires to change. Through God’s unconditional love and grace, we learn not to harbor hate but to also release unconditional love. 

This is the method I used. Once the spirits of anger were cast out, I began to build a new relationship with my father. I had to listen to his advice, whether I agreed with it or not. I had to learn to respect him, even if I felt he was not respecting me. I learned to be submissive and non-defensive. As a result, my love for him began to grow and I saw this love being carried into other relationships. God told me that I had to renew the relationship with my father in accordance to His Word, or I would never be able to receive or fully love the man He had for me. Also, I had to stop wearing clothes that exposed my body and attracted spirits of lust. I began to read scriptures that assured me that I was justified (accepted) in Christ Jesus. The Word convinced me that my significance was not in what I wore or did, but rather in my inner being or person which was created in the image of Christ. I was beginning to feel whole and complete, and I gained a sense of identity and confidence in my personhood in God. Also, I gained assurance that He had a purpose for my life.  

Once you overcome your strongholds through some form of godly deliverance, you are moving closer towards being whole and ready for a covenant relationship with a godly man.

Link where science shows that your mind is altered through premarital sex:
Link for my book: Searching to fill the Void

08 May 2013

Guest Writer Terry Scott shares-- Men: Why Are You Still Single???" By Terry Scott

Men: Why Are You Still Single???"
Written By: Terry Scott

Don’t you just love this question?lol It’s always funny to see people attempt to use this question as a pick up line or some sort of opening to a conversation. When you really think about it, how do you really answer this question? Do most men even know why they’re still single? Some may attempt to blame it on “the lack of good women,” while some others may simply give the reply, “I’m just doin’ me right now…” In any event, whether you dig the question or not, it really is a pretty valid and relevant question once examined a little closer. Let’s be honest, MOST men desire to be married or at least desire to be in a committed relationship one day. What man doesn’t want to come home to a loving wife who adores him and respects his leadership? What single brotha do you know who doesn’t desire a hot meal and some good sex waiting for him every day after work?!?! Let’s face it, we all are made to need and be needed by the opposite sex! God has left a need within us that was purposely formed to be filled by a good woman, and I’m not just talking about sex.

So why are so many eligible men opting to remain single when God clearly told us that it’s not good for Man to be alone? Well, for starters, I truly believe that the average man of God desires to be all that God has called him to be BEFORE taking that big leap of faith (marriage). He wants to lead with the respect and admiration of those who follow him. He desires to provide for his family and give them the world. Men take pride in providing and protecting. When he cannot make that happen, many times he feels that it would be better to remain single until he’s able to provide his future wife with everything that she needs and desires. The problem with this is that many of us seem to forget that the role of the wife isn’t to sit around and spend his money and look pretty. The role of the wife is to be a Help Mate, a Helper and an Addition to what was already established in his life. Men, women are here to help us! Don’t spend your entire life preparing alone. Some things God won’t even allow to come to pass until you bring a Help Mate into the equation (please hear me). Any woman that makes you feel like you’re not good enough probably isn’t your Help Mate in the first place. She’s probably a distraction and a user who’s just looking for a free ride. A wife is prepared to push you and help you become BETTER. A distraction is purposed to make you Broke (or Broker), Busted and Bitter. Please know how to discern the difference between the two, which leads me to my next point!

Another reason that many men opt to remain single is the fear of being STUCK with the wrong woman. Within these days and times, there are so many women who are incredibly desperate to be married. I’m not trying to woman bash in any way, I’m just keeping it 100. Of course I’m not talking about all women, but there’s definitely enough to make a significant impression on the male psyche. Do you really know what that looks like in our eyes as men??? When a woman is desperate for marriage, we can see that she really doesn’t want us as an individual, she just wants to be married. When you marry out of desperation instead of genuine love and commitment, you end up extremely disappointed after you discover that marriage isn’t all fun and roses. As men, there’s nothing worse than being stuck with a woman who’s only with us for the benefits and not for love and purpose. This fear has cause many men to take a step back and negatively analyze and stereotype the feminine culture as a whole. The problem with this is that when we as men see a multitude of women behaving like this, sometimes we make the mistake of prejudging before truly getting to know the individual(s). There are some marvelous, marriage material out there fellas! Don’t allow what you see right in front of you to discourage you and cause you to settle or live in fear! If you do your part, God will step in and do His!

As I conclude, I want to end by addressing one of the biggest and most successful issues that I see distracting many of my fellow Christian brotha’s today. The issue that I see plaguing my brotha’s is this…”SIDELINE CHICKS!” What is a “Sideline Chick?” These are the women that are used as time fillers until something better comes along. Men, holding on to someone that you know you really don’t want is unfair to the both of you. A real woman is going to see right through the games and kick you to the curb with the quickness! If you’re believing God for a wife, you need to prepare for it. Part of preparing to pursue is emptying your closets and releasing dead weight. Any woman in your life that isn’t pushing you to greatness is both a distraction and a dead weight! How can we trust that God created the heavens and the earth, but can’t believe Him to provide you with a Godly wife??? Release those dead end relationships, not only for you, but the person that you’re using. Free them to get themselves together and be found by someone who really desires to commit to them.

Not all single men deal with the problems that I’ve just listed. These are just some of the issues that I see many of my Christian brotha’s deal with on a daily basis. So, much respect to those who are truly preparing themselves to pursue the wife that God has for you. Much respect to all those men out there who are living a life of integrity and purity! God will surely reward you for your diligence and boldness to stand tall in a world and society with little to no standards! None of us are perfect. We all have our struggles and challenges as individuals, but always remember, with Christ, Nothing Is Impossible! Hope this helped someone…Stay Blessed!

Twitter: @TerryScott_1
Facebook: http://facebook.com/TerryScottt
Youtube: ldt920 or Terry and Toya

06 May 2013

My take on why some women are still single?????

This post was inspired after a conversation with a sister/daughter/friend as I call some of my young daughters because I am not that old :>)! lol Anyway, there are many single females that desire a man but are not married or did not successfully stay married. I desired to get married when I was 22 but it was at the age of 28 before l I finally married Mr. Shawn Michael Adams. However, I know quite a few women in their late 20's, 30's, and mid to late 40's who desire marriage but for some reason have not been found by "the one"! There are so many reasons why women have not married or have not been successful in marriage and I will not attempt nor am I qualified to address them all! And for some single or divorced women, none of this will apply because some things only God knows. Since I do not profess to be an expert, I am sharing my thoughts from the perspective as a pastor who ministers, mentors, and advises women of all ages and professions.  I also am writing this from my experience and perspective when I was single and what I think was the catalyst that led my husband to find me. Again, this is my position of "why I think some women are still single?" Therefore, my opinions and perspectives are not absolutes and focus from a woman's perspective and no doubt men have their issues too but this dialogue only provides one side of the conversation. I welcome yours and your feedback in the comments below from a positive yet brutally honest place as this is how I tend to write and communicate-- positive but honest and sometimes brutally honest! Here I go!
My take on why some women are still single????

From my perspective, I was single for several reasons and I will elaborate on a few! I was needy, didn't have an identity in Christ, desperate to get married, hadn't really done the work to become free of some serious issues in my heart, I was not walking in my purpose, and was a bit too spiritual and over the top.  Now these were my issues and I had to take a good look at myself and make some changes to become marriage material for a mature, strong, godly man with purpose and vision. You see, God does not put His strong godly men with junk so if I desired Mr. Right-- I had to become Ms. Right in order for him to find a "good thang". Though, these may not be your issues or your friend's (lol), you may find one or two of these areas a point of concern for you or your friend. And I must emphasize, you may not become perfect in all these places but I do think they are crucial to first being a solid Christian and second becoming "awesome marriage material" for a strong godly man!

1. DON'T BE NEEDY: When we are needy and lack identity we are not ready for marriage! When we are needy, we lack a sense of who we are and we desire a man to complete us and fill the void in our lives. Needy women have a tendency to drain men of their life, mental center, and wallet. We need that man to be our affirmation and if he does not fulfill us or make us feel like we are somebody-- then we feel rejected, like we don't matter, and often settle for whatever the man will give us. We do this because we don't really know who we are and we devalue ourselves and take what we can get as well we find ourselves giving away our souls (mentally, spiritually, and sexually)! I found this was the case for me. I needed a man to validate me so I settled and took whomever and whatever even if it meant having someone who treated me poorly, and kept me emotionally unsettled because his wayward ways. Also, I gave him everything, can I say everything with the hopes that eventually I would win his love and affection. But for some reason, I always fell short and many of those relationships ended sadly thus creating more baggage that I took into the next relationship. Then, the light came on-- I needed to find out who I was and become less needy in order to become a good potential mate.  Christ was the One who helped me begin to find out who I was and helped me learned to be less dependent on a man and more dependent on Him for identity, love, direction, and purpose. But I had to become honest with myself and honest with God. "Why didn't I believe in myself and why did I need a man so bad," were the questions I had to answer.  For me, my value was in my external so my identity was quite shallow and faulty! Also, I did not know why I was created so I leaned toward desiring a man to give me identity and purpose. So I ask you, "do you believe in yourself, do you value the gift in you, and do you know your purpose and identity for which you were created and are you walking in it"? These are critical questions to answer and when they become a reality in life-- we become less needy and more ready to fulfill God's purpose as well as marry successfully! STRONG, PURPOSE DRIVEN, CONFIDENT GODLY WOMEN ATTRACT STRONG PURPOSE DRIVEN CONFIDENT MEN!

2. KNOW WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST: For the first time after tapping into a REAL relationship with Christ in 1992, I found out that He created me with gifts, talents, potential, and a vision that was authentic and tailored made specifically for me. I begin to value my worth as a person with purpose rather than a female with just a face and body but one with an intelligent mind and purposeful heart! I really felt like I wasn't wise enough nor had a real purpose in life so I pursued shallow things. However, my identity was unfolding right before me and God was leading me down a healthy path and I begin to set standards for myself and standards for the type of men I dated.  As a woman begins to know her strength and know who she is in Christ, she will refuse to settle for anything less than God's best. The journey of knowing who you are is knowing who He is and what He has said about you. This begins in a myriad of ways which include reading His word, prayer, seeking Him for answers to these questions, and healing from your old thinking, past pains, and beginning to walk in a new mindset and doing the work necessary to achieve this posture for real

3. DO THE WORK: Not doing the work is one of the main factors why women are not prepared for life or marriage because we sometimes refuse or don’t know how to do the work to change! To become God’s best as well God's best mate for His godly men-- we must do the work! Just because we know the scriptures, doesn't indicate that His word has really transformed our heart and is a consistent, vivid, real reality in our life. We know when it's real for us and others and when it's fake. Work that God prescribes helps the word become a reality in our life. Prior to doing the work, we have to be honest with ourselves to discover what areas in our lives need some work. Concurrently, after we discover what needs work, we must do whatever God says to get free and delivered.

I will share my issues and the work I did and write in first person rather than writing using the pronoun "you" but you may find that you've dealt or are dealing with some similar things! First, I had to acknowledge that I had lust in my heart, desired a rich good looking man for status and security, lacked proper affirmation from my father, felt rejected, set barriers because of past pain, and I was needy, insecure, angry, jealous of other women, super spiritual, and was selfish and self-centered to name a few! So how did the work start after God helped me to identify these issues? For purposes of this blog, I can't go into full detail but I do in my book, but I'll share a few things that required work. I reiterate, I FIRST HAD TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE ISSUES AND BE HONEST WITH MYSELF ABOUT WHAT WAS IN MY HEART. My work consisted of counseling, prayer, reading the word daily, being mentoring by strong godly women and listening, letting go of negative people in my life, deliverance, speaking the word over my mind and heart, letting go of the barriers and allowing others to love me, renouncing sin, letting go of the premarital-sex, alcohol, and fantasies and replacing it with God's love, and walking and obeying God through my pain in a real, sold out, and steady relationship with Christ. I had to deal with my rejection, insecurities, and lack of feeling affirmed. My counselor helped me deal with the root issues of these problems and helped me begin to change my thinking and assume affirmation from God and not a man. This took years to walk through. There were people in my life that spoke the truth to me and I had to receive it. It was hard to hear but when we deny truth- we continue to hold and practice unhealthy things. I continually asked God to help me with lust and to stop using my body to attract men. I desired a man to see my heart and not desire my body only. I HAD MUCH WORK! Thus, I prayed and had others to pray prayers of deliverance to purge my lustful spirit. And I stopped having sex and sleeping with men outside of marriage (my book goes into more detail about deliverance and soul ties). Also, I had to ask God to deliver me from worldly, selfish desires and give me a heart for Him and His people rather than my selfish shallow desires. Thus, I had to start putting others needs before mine. Thus, my identity, purpose, and a spiritual center became the reality in my life and I was better prepared to be a vessel for God's purposes and intentions and a help mate to the godly man that found me.

Since this is a blog and not a book :>), I will end on this note and say these last words to women and specifically to my single sisters. Since I did not cover being super spiritual, I’ll interject this before closing. Sometimes, we can use god-talk, religious gifts, and unhealthy church practices to hide behind the pain and cover up the pride, control, and inferiority that we have in our heart. Christian women who do this sometimes detract godly men rather than attract them. (another blog for another time but I thought I'd throw that in there because it's true) In closing-- marriage is not the end all and be all to our happiness but for those women who desire marriage and are not at this time, once you've overcome being needy, know who you are in Christ, and do the work-- God will send you that person He ordained for your life. For some of us, it may take longer than others and God has a perfect time when He releases every promise in our life. Being free is a life-long process and once we overcome one area, we have to pursue our continual freedom and be open to other areas in our life that need work.  A helpmate is more spiritual than natural and it takes a strong godly woman who knows who she is to spiritually love, nurture, and support a godly man with vision and purpose. If we don't know who we are, not only can a man tear us down but we too can tear him down. Again, I have shared this from my perspective and there is so much more that can be addressed on this topic but I wholeheartedly believe that the 3 areas discussed in my blog reveal reasons why some women are still single and provide answers that will help not only single women but all women become better, purpose-driven Christians; thus, preparing to become awesome godly wives!

I'll stop right here! :>) To order my book "Searching to Fill the Void: For young and mature women desiring purpose, wholeness, and a man"-- go to amazon! I am in the midst of a rewrite but copies can be purchased there if you desire to read more. Hit this link  http://www.amazon.com/SEARCHING-TO-FILL-THE-VOID/dp/1597813400/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367804787&sr=8-1&keywords=Searching+to+Fill+the+void+Sonia+Adams