13 September 2012

Promises of God come when we are ready!!!

Hello friends,

It has been quite a while since I blogged and I wanted to share a little encouragement tonight as I reflect on this year and years past.

After fully surrendering my life to Christ in the 90's and accepting my call to ministry, I had an idealistic image of what lie ahead. I came out of the world seeking money, fame, and the good life.  I entered the church and thought I could do the same with God.  Little did I know, God would take me through a journey that would humble me, crush my man-made ideas, and teach me what a true Christian is.

I was not at all prepared for all the bumps, ups, downs, high's, low's, disappointments,  rejection, unanswered prayers, mindless activity, feelings of jealousy, disgust, disdain, contempt, and purging of my mind, heart, and soul. But through it all, I never let go of His hand and never threw in the towel. Now there were many times, days, nights, and moments that I felt alone, crazy, confused, discouraged, and just plain mad at God.  But for some crazy reason-- I just kept walking in the vision believing God no matter what.  Sometimes I was knocked down, but I got back up and just kept walking through the dark tunnel because God said keep going- I called you! I held onto hope even though it seemed hopeless.  After many, many years, I begin to see a glimmer of light in my dark tunnel. Though dim light, I begin to see His plan and His way but I also realized that I had a part to play in this journey.

I had to relent to the process, be willing to change my ideal perceptions when they were confronted with truth-- I had to repent from my sin and set ways, glean help through education and resources and study-- so I could grow in the capacity where I was ignorant and didn't know. I cried out to God for deliverance in those areas of my mind that were bound by fear, anxiety, and mental torment, and I prayed daily for God to show me the way.  Though sometimes my prayers were silent, pitiful, and heart wrenching.

At the start of this journey, I was strong, ambitious, driven, and self-determined to succeed at any cost. I was trying to prove something to myself and to my doubters (many times my own family)!  Now 20 years later, I have no agenda, I am only strong in Him, broken, motivated by His plan, and have a different paradigm of success (pleasing Him and Him alone). I hit rock bottom and threw my hands up and decided that I would just let what be-- be!

Ironically, this has been the point of my greatest freedom, clarity of mind, and full surrender to walk through the doors that He opens! The light is no longer dim but it's clearer than ever before. Things that He showed me years ago are coming to fruition because He humbled me and prepared my heart, mind, and person to do His will in the earth without pretense or ambition.  So now I thank Him for all those dark nights, days I felt like I was going crazy, days people rejected me and hurt me. I thank Him for the times I thought I knew and He showed me how ignorant I was.  I thank Him for the deliverance, the counseling sessions, the friends that cried and prayed for me, my church family that never gave up on me, and the times I wanted to quit. I thank Him, because I know He was doing something in me now. I didn't know it then, but I know now. Oh, how I can see things better by and by.  I am on the cuffs of fulfilling and seeing the visions come to pass but my joy is not in the things He's calling me to fulfill but it is in the peace of mind, freedom in Him, and dependence upon Him that gives me the most joy.  

So I end this blog by reiterating several key principles in your journey that will be the keys to unlock your mind and walk in the fulness of what God has assigned you to do.
  • Relent to the process, 
  • Be willing to change when your ideal perceptions are confronted with truth-- 
  • Repent from your sin(s) and set ways, 
  • Glean help through education and studying to grow in the capacity where you are ignorant and don't know, 
  • Be courageous and do exactly what He tells you,
  • Cry out to God for deliverance in those areas of your mind that are bound by fear, anxiety, and mental torment, 
  • Receive help from other godly people, and 
  • Pray daily for God to show you the way.  

He is faithful but we MUST do our part and He'll do the rest.

Blessings and love,
Pastor Sonia